Sunday, February 07, 2016

Spiritual Thought Sunday

Hi Everyone!

I have so many thoughts that I want to share today that I'm not sure I will get through them all.  Karlee went home this morning.  It was so nice having her here.  We haven't spent full girlfriend time together in a long time!  I miss having someone to share my thoughts with.  We had lots of laughter this weekend and also a little bit of crying.  I'm thankful for a friend like Karlee.  She is family to me.  


Karlee has been with me through thick and thin.  I'm not sure how deep I want to go with this post but I do need to share one of our most special & heartbreaking experiences.  

Almost exactly 3 years ago I found out I was expecting my 6th (much wanted) child.  I had prayed and cried over having another child and thought this was going to be the next phase of my life.  Moving to Utah with a little baby in tow, who would be with me all day while my kids were at school.  I was on cloud 9 and the best part about it was that Karlee was visiting me when I found out I was expecting.  What a special moment to share with your best friend!  Almost immediately I started having problems with this pregnancy.  I thought I had lost the baby several times over the next 8 weeks but every time I went in the doctor still said I was pregnant.  I didn't know what to expect or to plan for.  To say the least, it was one of the hardest moments in my life.  I found out 9 weeks into my pregnancy that I had, indeed, lost the baby.  I had to go to the hospital and make sure that my body was going to be okay.  While in the hospital it was discovered that I had an ectopic pregnancy.  My doctor didn't even know and my husband wasn't able to be there beside me.  Good thing I was in the hospital!  Long story short, I barely made it through the trauma.  I woke up hours later having had a hysterectomy.  For those of you who have had this happen you know how traumatic this is.  You go in thinking all is fine, and leave the hospital days later not able to have children.  

I'm not sure why this one was so hard on me since I have had multiple miscarriages before.  It might be the fact that I wanted a baby so bad.  Maybe because my kids were growing up and I was feeling lonely.  Maybe because the choice was taken away from me.  Probably all of the above!  

The best part of this story was that we found out Karlee was expecting a week before I lost the baby.  It was bittersweet, of course.  I was SO happy for my BFF!  Our babies were going to be best friends just like we were.  We had so many plans.  

Karlee was there for me during all of this.  I'm sure it was equally hard on her knowing that her pregnancy was breaking my heart.  She let me cry as I came to visit her and snuggled her baby.  She didn't even have to ask, she just knew.  

I know now that the Lord had other plans in store for me.  It was a LONG and very hard emotional recovery.  In some ways I am not 100% over it.  I still have moments where I dream of having another baby or will cry for no reason when I find out someone is expecting.   I do know, though, that the Lord knows what is best for me.  There was a lesson I learned somewhere in all of that.  

I am so happy that Karlee had her precious little baby boy, Gunn, who is 2 years old now.  He is such a joy and a light.  Yes, it would have been fun to have our 2 little ones at the same time but now I can help when she comes to visit.  :)


He Carried Me
I absolutely LOVE this poem.  So often in my life I feel alone.  Trials are hard, life can be hard.  It's reassuring to know that this is the time that He has to carry us.  I know that I've been carried many times.

A friend of mine has started a blog about loss and grief.  I already read the post she posted this week and started bawling.  If any of you have or are currently dealing with loss, I encourage you to read what she has to say.  


I actually took notes in church today to share with you but maybe I'll save them for next Sunday.  I want to leave you with this......

God loves you & I love you!  You are never alone no matter how much you feel like you are.  Please remember that.  

Big hugs!
Robyn

35 comments:

  1. Thank you for being you!!! You r a very kind and giving person!

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  2. Thank you for being you!!! You r a very kind and giving person!

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  3. Thank you for sharing this very personal story. You are lucky to have such a good friend. The best part is that both you and Karlee know what you have is special.

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  4. Thanks for sharing your very personal story with us. It's great to have such a great friend to share with Karlee. Hugs Robyn

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  5. Thank you for sharing your story. You and Karlee are both lucky to have each other. Hugs

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  6. So glad you and Karlee have the bond that you have. It's a blessing to have a great friend. I love Footprints In The Sand, and so thankful God does carry us through out hard times. Prayers for you on your healing journey. Thanks for sharing.
    Love and hugs,
    Renee

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  7. So sorry for your loss Robyn. But I'm so grateful that you have Karlee and i can tell by the way you interact with each other that you have a strong bond and loving friendship. Prayers for healing and thank you for sharing though i know how hard it is to do so.

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  8. Robyn I remember you posting briefly about your hysterectomy and my heart hurt for you. I also had to have a hysterectomy 10 years ago. We never had any children, and yes I am still sad at times because we never were able to have children. It is my prayer that the Lord gives you comfort and healing during those sad times. So thankful for Karlee to be in your life as her BFF. I am thankful for you and all you share with us too.

    Marilyn C.

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  9. Thank you for sharing your story. It shows how strong you are in the midst of heartbreak. Sometimes we don't know how strong we are until we are put to the test. God Bless you and stay strong.

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  10. I am so sorry for your loss. These things are hard to get past. The one wonderful thing that you do have are all of your beautiful children that are here...that is your true blessing.

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  11. Thank You. Thank You. Thank you. Oh how I needed to hear that. "God loves you & I love you! You are never alone no matter how much you feel like you are. Please remember that." I think when you know you can not have any more children it is upsetting as it marks to end of a chapter in our lives as a women. I am sorry yours had such a sudden change along with the loss of your baby. I am glad you shared your story as it is hard to share something painful but sometimes it can be healing to. I hope it can help someone going through a similar situation as I feel GOD has us share things when he knows someone needs to hear it. GOD BLESS.

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  12. thanks for sharing, your in my prayers!!

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  13. God bless you and your family, I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story, your faith and grace are inspiring. Lots of love, Christine

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  14. Oh Robyn, I wish I could give you a hug. I'm so sorry you went through all that and so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story.

    Leslie

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  15. Robyn, I am so sorry that this story is part of your life experiences. Loss of a child is so painful. Thank you for sharing and please know that you have friends in those who follow you. I will now pray in a different way for you as I too have walked through some of your story. I will pray for peace and next steps from God.

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  16. Dear Robyn - my heart breaks in reading your very personal story. I wish I could give you a hug.

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  17. I too suffered a bad miscarriage and had a hysterectomy. I am now 68 but it still feels like yesterday. Through my cancers, someone destroying my car with me in it I have taken that split second that I have and say I'm yours Jesus. He has carried me so many times but knows we have to cry and be human as that is what we are....BUT can you imagine that pain without him... I would not want to. I'm glad you have Karlee and Gunner (think maybe he was there for you, too) and your faith.

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  18. Thank you so much for sharing that with us. So sorry you had to walk through that, I will continue to pray for you and your beautiful family. You are such an inspiration!

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  19. I am so sorry :-(
    We lost our son when he was 19. No parent should ever lose a child, no matter how old or young.

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  20. Thank you for sharing your traumatic time, I'm sorry you went through all that! I too have suffered miscarriages & I don't think you ever get over them, I appreciate you sharing the poem!

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  21. So glad you and Karlee have each other and more important that you have the Lord!

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  22. I am so sorry. I'm glad you and Karlee have each other. This was hard to read, but an amazing post to read. Thank you for sharing.

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  23. Yes, God has a plan! Hold that truth close to your heart. He just doesn't let us see it, could you imagine looking at it? We wouldn't ever believe what was in store for us. My heart and prayers go out to you. How wonderful to have such a wonderful friend.

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  24. Yes, God has a plan! Hold that truth close to your heart. He just doesn't let us see it, could you imagine looking at it? We wouldn't ever believe what was in store for us. My heart and prayers go out to you. How wonderful to have such a wonderful friend.

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  25. God is so awesome!! He knows who we need in our lives and puts them there at the most perfect times. May God bless you and Karlee!!! Nothing like a BFF!!!!

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  26. I'm so sorry to hear what happened. Its nice to know your BFF was there thru that tough time. Like you I have a BFF, we've known each for about 30 yrs. We have been there for each other thru boyfriends, births, deaths & whatever life has thrown our way. I wouldn't know what to do without her.

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  27. That is the nicest thing that you have a friend like Karlee, I agree our Lord and Savior, always has a plan for us, when we go through the toughest times we sometimes don't understand why? For myself, at the end of the day I tell myself " I know you have a reason, I may not know today or tomorrow but I eventually will look back a May understand why"
    My prayers go out to you for such a loss, this last week I became a grandma, and my daughter was do with preeclampsia with minor complications after delivery and I prayed that everything would be fine, but you know when you yourself goes through situations like these you go through periods of fear, sadness and such but seeing your own child have to go through it is so much worse.
    Sorry for the long comment.

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  28. I am so sorry you had to go through that. But thank God you have a great family and Karlee. Who sounds like an angel. That's one of my favorite poems too :-)
    Yvette

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  29. I'm so sorry to read about your miscarriage Robyn, I know that was a tough one for you as was the hysterectomy. I felt the same way after I had to have a hysterectomy. It is heart breaking but I also knew that I wasn't going to have anymore children even though I really wanted a 7th child. God doesn't make mistakes either. God brought you and Karlee together for a reason-people come and go from our live but they are always there for a reason. I am still struggling over the loss of my husband, so I'm going to go to the link you gave. When losing a loved one, baby or fetus it is always a hard struggle with emotions that go up and down like a roller coaster. But I do know that the good Lord is there and carry's us when we just can't go on. Thanks for sharing this with us Robyn. God bless you and your little angle in heaven. Hugs, Brenda

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  30. Good morning Robyn. I don't usually post much but I felt that I needed to this morning. I just wanted you to know that you were not alone that there's many of us women out there that have been through similar situations. I myself had four miscarriages before having my baby boy three years ago. There were times that I could not even look at a pregnant woman without crying or asking why. I suppose that's why to need your blog every day to see your smiling face and see what creative ideas you have come up with. You are truly an inspiration and just know that God walks with you every day. I'm a Stampin' Up! hobbyist and I so wish you were my up line I think it would be so inspirational and it might even make my business grow into something more than just a hobby.

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  31. Oh sweet girl, I'm so very sorry for your deep loss. I, too, have had an ectopic pregnancy and it is truly scary and heartbreaking. I send you virtual hugs and lots of love. <3

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  32. Oh sweet girl, I'm so very sorry for your deep loss. I, too, have had an ectopic pregnancy and it is truly scary and heartbreaking. I send you virtual hugs and lots of love. <3

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  33. Robyn, thank you for sharing. I have been a loyal follower for six years and have seen your ups and downs through your blog. Through all of this you have always made me smile with your wit and talent. God gave you your beautiful healthy children, a wonderful husband and the intelligence and talent to teach through your blog. You make so many so happy. That must be God's plan for you and it's working.

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